The love of God. Why so painful?

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Why?

I cannot handlle the  true love of God

The Sacrifices he made for me were so vast it has only just hit me just how vast they really are.

To the point all I do is cry.

What do I need to change to make myself whole in the Lord?

I feel like I can not believe in what he say to me as there so much self loathing and pity and hatred.

The words  he keeps saying to me is that I am his BELOVED. He was born that I might be loved, he sacrificed alot so that I may be loved  and I want to say I believed but why  can’t I?

What  do I have to do to let God show me that he cares deep down.

I can see he has been preparing me for this. For example he has given me some prayer worriors that have been prayerfully suppportting me and some by using new media like put scriptures on facebook  so they did not  realize the support they were giving me. Who say God is out dated! I also have links  with a super community  of  monks and they are a great support and the Abbey is a great placae of solace. I am lucky.

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